Saturday afternoon, I was riding in my car with my boyfriend. It was his birthday weekend, so we were headed to the shore. Keenly aware of Harold Camping's prediction, we jokingly watched the clock tick down to 6:00. "Another 15 minutes!" and later "Another 10 minutes!" I sang out. We also passed several billboards and what appeared to be several "End of the World" parties in full swing on the way. As the "witching hour" passed, we commented how nothing had happened, but that we wouldn't necessarily have known (I am Pagan-Buddhist and he was raised Catholic, so neither of us would have been Rapture material).
About 6:20, we had to take a detour around what was obviously a very serious accident, as we could make out wreckage from the other road we were forced to take. I realized that the world had ended, for someone. I thought about the other people who had lost so much for this belief, people who had spent their life savings, their children's college funds, quit their jobs, euthanized their pets, committed or attempted suicide, or even tried to kill their families (that last came in a news report from California) because of this belief, this blind faith in a man who had done this before.
The Buddha said "Do not believe what you hear, not even if a holy man says it, not even if I say it, until you have held it up to your own reality and found it to be useful." As an autistic woman, this sentiment has always been central to my life and the way I live it. The world is not built for me, and I understand that, and yet I must still make my way in it. The culture that we live in, and the people we look up to, people we trust, are always telling us how we should act, what we should be doing, how we should be doing it, and what we should believe. I am actually very grateful for my autism* for making me incapable of listening to and internalizing these beliefs.
When first handed a piece of information, I ask myself whether or not it makes logical sense based on the facts I already know, or if it could make sense when incorporated with, and seen through the lens of those other facts. For instance, if someone told me that someone made a working transporter like the kind in Star Trek, I might partially believe them, as I know that this is something that some physicists are working on, but at the moment, these machines are capable only of transporting single particles. So, transporters exist, but we'll have to wait a while before we can say goodbye to our daily commute. If someone tells me the end of the world is coming, I know that in a few million years the sun will swell up and swallow the Earth as well as a few other planets. I also know that every civilization eventually declines, Egypt, Greece, Rome, the British Empire, the list goes on. We would be silly to think that this would not happen to America. Do I think it will happen in one hour on one day? No.
Also, one cannot be inflexible. If new evidence comes to light that shows a prior assumption to be false, the assumption must be let go. When I was little, people thought all dinosaurs were scaly. Now, we know that some of them had wings. In the 50s, no one really thought of personal computers, and now I am typing this on my iPad. Ideas must change as new information comes to light. Sometimes, change can be uncomfortable, or even frightening. I know this better than most. Even so, I have learned to embrace change when necessary. A thing that cannot change cannot grow. A thing that cannot grow is dead.
Finally, the last test of anything, is it useful? This is the most subjective part of the process and most unique. For example, I was raised in a Christian church. For many, Christianity is useful, and their lives are enriched by it. I, however, did not find it useful. I could not grasp a book that was claimed to be consistent, yet was not. I could not rationalize some teachings with what I know to be true of the world, and I could not see how God could be exclusively male. I always had the innate sense that Diety had to encompass both genders as well as a sense of being neither. I found what I was looking for in my current spiritual expression. Paganism gives me Gods and Goddesses, as well as Dieties that encompass both genders and some that avoid that question altogether. I like the cyclical nature of the Sabbats. The Wheel of the Year gives me comfort and joy. My magick and my prayers, as well as my divinations give me a sense of comfort and safety in a world that would be otherwise terrifying. Buddha gives me the ability to let go of things when I need to, and to accept change, the ability to become quiet amid the noise.
Life is hard sometimes, and scary, and it's always easier to let someone else think for you, but it is seldom if ever worth it.
*When I say "my autism" I mean MY autism. Autism is EXTREMELY variable. My experience may be the same or completely opposite someone else's. Whatever I say should be taken as my experience alone.
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